Light-hearted Extinction Event

In the film 'The Day After Tomorrow' it gets cold real quick. It’s very exciting.

In the film 'Climate Change’ (working title), the temperature rises 2 - 4 degrees over the course of several decades and features a multitude of heroes who, over the course of 80 years, carefully recycle their waste and ensure that electrical appliances are turned off when not in use.

Michael Fassbender will star as a white goods salesman burdened with the insurmountable task of selling energy-efficient refrigerators to fast food outlets. Tom Hiddleston - his antagonist - will command a group of loft-insulation saboteurs. 

It will be directed by M Night Shyamalan and will feature a surprising twist.

I’m not going to spoil the twist but it will probably be along the lines of ‘we’re already dead’.

Because, in many ways, ‘we’re already dead’.

Already dead because we’re too stupid to save the world from mass extinction.

And why are we too stupid?

I don’t know. I am too stupid.

“Daddy, what did you do in the Great War against global exinction?” my imaginary future daughter asks as I dandle her on my knee. I stare wide-eyed into the distance, a barren land of powdered death and emptiness. 

“I wrote a mildly amusing blogpost.”

Her brow wrinkles, “What’s a blogpose?”

“Post,” I correct her.

She giggles. 

I had not realised that in her precocity she was deliberately punning and suggesting that my blogwriting was little more than intellectual posturing and, as such, symptomatic of the largely individualistic basis of capitalism, the result of which prompted the demise of our environment and species. If only it was that simple.

I begin to hack off my arm for dinner.